Confusing last couple days...still waiting on placement and starting to get more and more irate and insecure feeling as the weeks progress. There are people on The Office, Chuck and Life of An American Teenager, just to name a few. It makes you feel really shitty wondering why youre one of the six that still hasn't "joined the club."
I got my desk today from Dallas. It arrived in quite the beat up box, but the desk itself was just fine.
I left it on the curb while I wasthrowing away said box and it took no less than a couple minutes for a man with a pickup truck to come and start to pick it up! I had to be like, hold of buddy thats mine, or else he would have taken it!
The desk came with Kellen's blankets; the really old ones, the ones that he had waaay back when he and I first started dating. It's been slightly emotional having these here with me. I called and talked to him; I miss him so much.
Also later in the day the package from my mom came. A huge packaged filled with every kitchen utensil imaginable, clothes, a mixer, an iron, some cups and plates and a bunch of towels. Also candy, it is a package from my mom after all.
The clothes are actually all quite awesome...except for these white pants. She just can't give up on the white pants.
Trying to get on more extra work, calling and calling but having such a hard time getting through. Today I scheduled an audition for being a teen but then found out that the actual day wasn't until Aug 19 and unfortunately had to call and cancel because I hope that I'll be on a show by then! One of my checks for the work I did last week came, taxes took out 12 bucks :(
Oh, and yesterday I went to a salsa class! I sucked it up and paid 15$ for an hour and half. The first half hour was all introductory, definitely a good "catch up" for me and the next hour was lots of fun! It was great to be dancing again. I was itching the entire time to be swing dancing though rather than salsa dancing so if I go again next week I'm going to find a different studio, one that teaches swing but hopefully within the same price range. Anything more than 10$ an hour i just can't afford.
So yeah...that's sort of it in a nutshell. Trying to stay as busy as possible. Missing Kellen. Missing my old life. Can't wait til I'm able to see him again. I'm keeping the "us" alive in my heart and hoping that time is what will help me overcome our problem. I keep thinking about what a good couple we were despite my uncertainties. We were always more than honest and caring and more understanding than any relationship I've ever been in. All of which I hope will leave us with something to return to.