Sea of emotions

Never have I missed my mom more. I want to take the time here to acknowledge how much I love my parents. I dont think many of us do that. My parents are wonderful people and I miss getting the opportunity to see them whenever I might want. My mom sent me the most amazing birthday card that made me just bawl. I hope that at some point in the course of the 2 years I get to go home.

I feel fairly lost right now. With Kellen gone and our relationship? in the state that its in/ not in I feel like I have no anchor. But I realize too that this is the only way it can be right now; anything else didn't make sense. I want whatever entity might be upstairs to help me make it back to that man but in the way that he deserves. Where I dont need him to change. I know we're really good at walking through life side by side, I know that growing old together would be a beautiful fun thing. Now I just need to rid myself of doubt and push through to commitment. If I can't do it then he's not the one for me. There's no way to get through whatever my problem is together. Maybe whatever is wrong is permanent and has to do with two people just being that slightly bit off for one another? I hope not.