Stupid Upset

So the landscape people came today to our complex. And right outside our window (I live on the second floor) is this tree that has these red fuzzy flowers.

I've been home so much that I suppose the tree has kind of become a comfort to me. Hummingbirds really like the fuzzy flowers and there have been two of them that fly around the tree a lot. They've been really fun to watch. Recently the tree flowered like crazy and instead of hummingbirds we've gotten bees. It's been really fun to have these flowers RIGHT outside my window and getting to watch these animals be around these flowers. Also, if you know anything about the state of bees recently (they've been dying off and we can't figure out why), it just made me happy to get to watch them...I guess be alive?

So the landscape guys just came and chopped off the entire top

of the tree--the part that reaches our windows, the part with all the flowers. All the bees are just circling round where the flowers used to be and it's actually making me really sad. I know I'm probably being overemotional and it's just a result of feeling like I've lost ANOTHER things I've gained comfort from but I miss my tree, a

nd my bees, and hummingbirds.

Interview...and Monkey!

So today I finally got a call...but don't be too excited just yet. It's a call for an "interview." They told us that these might happen. Basically, its just the show wanting to see all the available trainees and picking the one they think best fits with their particular show and staff. Soooo I'm interviewing for a show called Mr. Sunshine and Sony (ack far away from my house!) on next Tuesday. The show stars Matthew Perry and has to do with him re-evaluating his life at the age of 40. Allison Janney from the West Wing and Nate Torrence are on it as well. You know so I have a 1 in 3 chance of getting on that seeing as 2 other people are interviewing for it as well. We'll see how it goes!

Earlier this week got called in to be on Pretty Little Liars and

got to experience being on an AFTRA voucher and getting paid much, MUCH more-- v. nice. No exciting photos because I was just being a high school student so nothing special there.

But here is a fabulous photo of me with Candy the monkey from Night at the Museum!

She was at the Trainee Seminar, Working with Animals. She was v cute but we also learned to be wary of her smile which is her way of saying "remember I have these teeths."

So wish me luck for Tuesday, lets see what happens!

Still No Calls...

Still not placed on a show...you know I kind of almost forget about it sometimes. I've gotten so used to going out and finding work as an extra...

This week went well...4 days of work. Its funny cause the week started out with me not even wanting to call Central and everyday I was like I don't know if I'll call today...and then everyday I did and managed to book a job.

The week began with a day on The Big Bang Theory being a nerdy student in a cafeteria scene with Tom and Bojan joining me. Very, very boring. I realized I never want to work on a sitcom. It seemed beyond slow. But hey, we got some overtime and the day finished with me booking the next days job on Mike and Molly being a tourist at a diner. That was a half day for me with the show overbooking the number of extras so they didnt actually use me. Have to say that from both of those days, being on the WB lot is fun. Oh and I was on the same stage that Friends used to be shot on. Not only is it super close to my house,

but eating at their commissary is fabulous. They have great food. I'd eat at the salad bar and then take food home with me for dinner.

Next day I was booked on House being a nurse. I was there for 10 hours, got overtime and lun

ch and didnt do a damn thing. They didnt use us at all. We just sat around the whole time on a neighboring stage FREEZING our butts off and going slightly batshit crazy because we were inside but were on the outside of the House hospital. So I was sitting next to some shrubberies and a bike rack and a

bench. It was odd.

Heres a photo of me as a nurse and also 2 more photos from Cinema Verite.

As well as some photos from last weeks stint on Parenthood as a concert goer, for which I did some great victory rolls in my hair, and also my "Jersey shore" look for Bones (aka slut-look).

More Extra Work, LACMA and Manhattan Beach

Had a fun couple of days certainly worth sharing some photos from the experiences.

Two days ago I went to be an extra on Cinema Verite, an HBO movie with Diane Lane and Tim Robbins. The part I was called in for took place in the 70s on a talk show (Dick Cabott Show). So I got to get all dressed up 70s style, get my hair did and makeup, all that jazz. I came to the conclusion that my outfit resembled a faux Star Trek uniform :) It was a fun evening of sitting in an audience getting to watch Diane Lane act. Made some overtime money which is always nice. It sucks when you go

in to be an extra and all you make is the 64$ which actually comes out to like 52 after taxes.

Yesterday I got a call from Kimby inviting me to g

o with her and some peeps to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) which was fantastic! I wasn't feeling too great, kinda lethargic... but I had a great time nonetheless. We BARELY got to see any of the museum. Its quite big. I spent extensive time in the modern art/ german express

ionism section seeing most importantly Magritte's "Ceci n'est pas une pipe"! I was beyond excited. There w

ere also some Kirchner's, Lissitzky's, lots and LOTS of Picasso and a Mondrian. Oh and some Kandinsky but none of the "good stuff" (no Compositions...mostly things I'd never seen before but since I don't really care for him I wasn't too disappointed). Most definately would not mind going back there just to explore that section by myself and really get to look over the stuff I studied. I wandered through the Islamic/Indian art but for whatever reason just can't bring myself to be fascinated by it. I mean I'm intrigued by the detail in the carvings in, say the Hindi works. But, once you've seen one set of rounded boobies, you've kinda seen em all? I'm still not sure on that statement...maybe I'll grow to love that stuff more later. Then we were all hungry and sort of speed demoned through the European Art (Baroque, Medieval period, etc) and I really can't say I gave these the appreciation they deserve. Needless to say LACMA most definitely can expect another visit from me seeing as I only made it to 1 of its 5 buildings (granted I know that at least one of those 5 is the cafe).

Last night I was invited to, both seeing this meteor shower with Rickia, Dave and Laura AND hanging out with board games at Derek and crews and chose to go hang with Derek and all. I had fun but sort of wish I had gotten to see the shower, Laura said it was quite awesome. I would drive outside of the city and watch it myself but I'm strapped for cash and an hour drive out and back aren't currently in the budget.

Which brings me to today. I was coaxed into going to Manhattan Beach with Derek, Laurie, Laura, Tom and Varney. I was expecting full on sun and hopefully some active beach sportiness but when we arri

ved it was foggy? or possibly just overcast. Still can't decide if the "marine layer" is real :) So we sort of lay there for awhile and talked but then it simply became too cold, at which point we went and grabbed fish tacos and then wandered around the promenade-y area. We hung out some more at a coffee shop (delicious coffee from Noah's Bagels!) and then headed back home.

I came home, did some awesome workin out with the 30 day shred video, which, kicked my ass, and now I'm relaxing and thinking about watching a movie. I'm trying hardcore to work out (we'll see how well it goes with the "everyday" thing) before getting on set and also I've decided that I need to very, VERY actively

pursue more extra work seeing as I'm not getting paid any other way. The last two weeks I've sort of been treating it as fun, additional income but I'm realizing now if I want to pay the bills I need to be doing it every freakin day. So...that means waking up early Monday to see if there are any rush calls and booking like a mad woman for Tuesday. Let hope I get placed soon...honestly being an extra is beyond boring.

Hike - Santa Anita Canyon, Sturtevant Falls

Had a fun hike this weekend with Rickia and Laura and Rickia's friends Dave and Portia. It was fun and offered plenty of photo opportunities. Also not far at all outside of LA and there were plenty more hiking trails that we didn't take so I think I'm definitely going to return to see what else is out there. It was Rickia's first time hiking and she did great!

Confusing last couple days...still waiting on placement and starting to get more and more irate and insecure feeling as the weeks progress. There are people on The Office, Chuck and Life of An American Teenager, just to name a few. It makes you feel really shitty wondering why youre one of the six that still hasn't "joined the club."

I got my desk today from Dallas. It arrived in quite the beat up box, but the desk itself was just fine.

I left it on the curb while I was

throwing away said box and it took no less than a couple minutes for a man with a pickup truck to come and start to pick it up! I had to be like, hold of buddy thats mine, or else he would have taken it!

The desk came with Kellen's blankets; the really old ones, the ones that he had waaay back when he and I first started dating. It's been slightly emotional having these here with me. I called and talked to him; I miss him so much.

Also later in the day the package from my mom came. A huge packaged filled with every kitchen utensil imaginable, clothes, a mixer, an iron, some cups and plates and a bunch of towels. Also candy, it is a package from my mom after all.

The clothes are actually all quite awesome...except for these white pants. She just can't give up on the white pants.

Trying to get on more extra work, calling and calling but having such a hard time getting through. Today I scheduled an audition for being a teen but then found out that the actual day wasn't until Aug 19 and unfortunately had to call and cancel because I hope that I'll be on a show by then! One of my checks for the work I did last week came, taxes took out 12 bucks :(

Oh, and yesterday I went to a salsa class! I sucked it up and paid 15$ for an hour and half. The first half hour was all introductory, definitely a good "catch up" for me and the next hour was lots of fun! It was great to be dancing again. I was itching the entire time to be swing dancing though rather than salsa dancing so if I go again next week I'm going to find a different studio, one that teaches swing but hopefully within the same price range. Anything more than 10$ an hour i just can't afford.

So yeah...that's sort of it in a nutshell. Trying to stay as busy as possible. Missing Kellen. Missing my old life. Can't wait til I'm able to see him again. I'm keeping the "us" alive in my heart and hoping that time is what will help me overcome our problem. I keep thinking about what a good couple we were despite my uncertainties. We were always more than honest and caring and more understanding than any relationship I've ever been in. All of which I hope will leave us with something to return to.

Do You Like Butterflies?

I decided to go for a walk today after sitting at home all day. Went up Western, checked out the Metro, walked a bit on Sunset and turned to come back home.

Before I continue I want everyone to know that I was in no way "dolled up" for this experience and hardly felt like it.

So I'm walking back home and I go by a group of some "shady" looking people and some girl walks up to them and says, "So you're looking to get rid of it right?" So you know...I sort of filled in the blanks for what I thought was going on in that situation.

As I pass by these people this tall dude wearing a long sleeved gray sweatshirt and fingerless black gloves(picture 80's look) starts walking alongside me. He hold his arms up like to his chin with his wrists flopped over (picture Jurrasic Park imitation of velocoraptor minus the lethal intent). He's wearing sunglasses and appears to be possibly doped out.

He says to me, "I like your sunglasses" I thank him and he continues to walk/talk with me. He asks me where Im going, and I say to the store not wanting him to follow me home or something. There's a long pause and he's like, "oh, the CVS?" I stupidly answered "yeah I dont know" since at that point I was already like, wtf is going on? Then theres a considerably long pause as he walks alongside me. Then out of nowhere he asks me, "Do you like butterflies?"

In my head I'm like, this is slang for, "would you like to buy some crack cocaine?" and respond with a very firm no.

The guy continues to walk with me. Theres no store to turn into and no opportunity to cross the street. We sort of drift apart, him ahead me behind and I think for a moment that the bizarro encounter is over. Sadly I was mistaken. He slows down and starts to walk alongside me again. Loooooong pause and then he says,"so can I get your number?"

What??! Do things like this work on women?? Do they?? Or was this man just really out of his mind?

I told him no and that I was seeing someone. He then asked me, "So youre seeing someone RIGHT now?" Not too sure what that emphasis was supposed to suggest. Perhaps it was more drug slang. I said yes and at that point said bye and crossed the street.

This is what happens when you try to take a walk in Los Angeles. All I wanted was a walk, not crack cocaine, an awkward pickup line and a stalker.

I think this says it best

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

~Sylvia Plath